when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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