dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
