So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
