Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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