after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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