I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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