oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize