he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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