Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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