dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
