Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
