Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
