Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
