yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize