you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
