Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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