I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
