I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
