She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
