Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
