I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
