were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
