imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He shit in the fireplace
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
