I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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