Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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