I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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