I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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