I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
