Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize