im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
