I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
