i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
