I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
