I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
