i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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