Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
