I cannot find my penis.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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