I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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