I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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