She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
