She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize