there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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