Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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