This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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