Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I can text with my tongue
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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