i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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