I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He better not be in your backpack
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
