oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
