she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i think i have two assholes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
