Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
