What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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