If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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