By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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