I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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