i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Randomize