the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
