so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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