He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
