I heard we made out
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
