Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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