He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
