This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
