...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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