I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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