Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
