You just made me feel so damn special
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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