I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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