we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize