ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
