I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
