Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
