Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
