the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
