just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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