i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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