i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
