I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We need to rekindle our bromance
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
