our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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