So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
