I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
