Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
