You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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