glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
