Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
