i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
