we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
