Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
