So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
