I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
