Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
