the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He passed out mid-signature
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
