Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
