On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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