So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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