she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
