Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
