I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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