I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
