Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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