Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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