My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
