I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
