When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
