the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
