New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
