We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My vagina just recognized that song.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
