Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
