brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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