some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize