so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wish my penis had a tongue
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
