Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Rumble strips road head = magical
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
