And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
