and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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