Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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