Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
